Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Hoping to Get Struck by Cupid's Arrow

I have still not lost hope, although it has been several weeks since I have gone on a date.  The committment phobe doctor has contacted me this week (after about a month after I broke things off with him) saying he missed my smile and hanging out with me.  I am not falling for this.  He is still a committment phobe.  He still probably has a wife in Egypt(I may not have mentioned this suspicion before) and he still probably is cheap and boring.  I may go out for a coffee with him for something to do but he is not getting down my pants or anywhere near my pants for that matter.

I have also begun using another site, but only half heartedly (this site has to do with a certain little fellow who pops his head out around Valentines Day, Ok?).  The pool of user on this site is significantly smaller than the other site I had been using but so far noone has sent me a picture of their genitalia and I have not been approached by any married men.  I have actually just begun talking to a promising young carpenter.  Once/if we reach first date status I will let you know how that goes. 

Also my friends, a darling couple are eagerly trying to set me up with every available guy they know so I have a few prospects there.  I actually have a date scheduled for September 21 with a pharmacist friend of theirs who is coming in town from out of province.  It may be a big fat waste of time and silly to even bother going on a date with someone who lives so far away...but what the hell...I'll give it a shot!

Thursday, 18 August 2011

Online Dating Re-Cap

Haven't had any dates at all this week.  I have been trying out a new site but it seems as though it is slim pickins as far as attractive guys go.  Anyone out there have any advice to offer?  Should I stick with the online dating or shall I try to relax and late nature take its course and hope that eventually I will meet someone in the real world.  Everyone always says when you stop looking that's when you find someone...

Here's a quick re-cap of the winners I have dated so far:
1) Hipster going through a mid-life crisis
2) Committment Phobe Surgeon
3) The Geek with a Speech Impediment
4) Alcholic Postman
5) The Horny Rabbi
6) The Married Police Officer

This doesn't even include the freaks that didn't even make it to a first date...

Thursday, 11 August 2011

Guy #6: Diamond Des "Cheaters Never Prosper"

Last night I had a date with a real live non-internet guy.  I actually met him in real life and gave him my number and he called me.  Go figure.  I went to Beer Fest on Saturday with five friends(three guys and two girls) and had a great time.  At the end of the night as we were all leaving we were walking along when we encountered a group of dudes out on a bachelor party.  Somehow I began interacting with one of them.  He told me his name and I promptly made up a stupid nickname for him (Diamond Des, in case you are wondering).  He swept me off my feet.  Literally.  He came up behind me and picked me up and carried me away.  In the midst of my screaming he asked me for my number.  I said it, REALLY fast, thinking this guy will never remember that point we went our separate ways, I thought I would never hear from him again.

Here's where my story becomes anti-climactic.  As we were walking to our next destination, one of my male friends said, "That dude was wearing a wedding ring".  I am sooooo not a typical girl.  I don't even notice that type of thing, ever!  I didn't really care.  After all it was nothing and I was never going to hear from him again anyways, right?

Wrong!  The very next afternoon he called.  I was suprised and semi-impressed that he remembered my number.  He asked if I would like to meet and I said, "Sure".  We made plans to meet last night for appies, when I suddenly remembered my friend's wedding ring comment.  Oh fuck!  However...he is a guy.  How reliable are guys when it comes to matters of things like wedding rings.  It could have been the guys right could have been a school ring or some other cheesy ring...I don't know.... I called my friend up and asked him how certain he was that this was a wedding ring...he said about 85%.  Since we had just left a Beer Fest and were a little tipsy to say the least I was hoping that maybe he was mistaken.  I decided with a very skeptical mind to give this guy the benefit of the doubt and go on with the date.

We agreed to meet at the bar/restaurant of a hotel near my house (bad omen #1, aside from the whole wedding ring thing of course).  It was the kind of place you would certainly go if you didn't want anyone you knew to see you and of course conveniently has a place to get it on upstairs.  When I arrived he was already there.  We hugged and sat down and began to chat.  Immediately I noticed a ring on his right hand...phew!  He was wearing some type of grad ring.  This must be the ring my friend saw.  Then a nano second after I felt that sense of relief I got a fleeting glance at his left hand.  No ring but definate ring indentation and tan line.  What the fuck was I supposed to do then?  It was clear in my mind without a doubt that this asshole is married.  I probably should have run away screaming but I was dumbfounded.

With his left hand hidden under the table the entire time we continued chatting.  This is where it got really good....I asked him some typical questions...where are you from, what do you know the usual.  There is this oddness about him.  Everything he says is very vague...of course it is...he is a bold face, liar, and cheating bastard.  He tells me he works for the city.  I probe further looking for more specific details.  He tells me he "cleans up the streets". he a garbage man?  With further investigation I force out of him that he is actually one of Halifax's finest...that's right...a cop!  With a secretive smirky smile he kept asking me if there is anything else I wanted to know.  I kept asking, "Is there anything you want to tell me?"  So I asked him if he had kids.  He replied yes, three.  He the asked me again...Is there anything else you want to know.  I told him I think I already know.  He of course doesn't man up. So I just looked at him point blank and said, "You are married".  He responded that he was separated.  I then asked, "Do you live with your wife and three kids?"  He of course said yes.  So I say, "Then clearly you are not separated".  He goes on to give me some sob story about how it is so hard to leave, his wife cheated on him, this is the first time he has ever done this, it will ruin him financially...blah blah blah...cry me a river you slimy piece of crap.

Oh yeah, and he was short,

he performed magic tricks on the date,

...and most importanly the dickhead was MARRIED!

Wednesday, 10 August 2011

That's it, I Quit (for real)!

I have not given up on dating.  I have not given up on men.  I have given up on the horrid dating site that I have been using and all of the freaks, geeks, and sex fiends that have been messaging me.  I have cancelled my account on Plenty O' Freaks and am going to give dating in the real world a try.  This may mean I may have to man up, get some balls and really put myself out there and take some chances.  I may eventually give online dating another shot (maybe even in a couple of weeks), but next time I will use a more reputable site that you have to pay for.  At least that way I know that the guy probably at least has a credit card.

On another note.  I do have a real life non-internet dating date story to tell you about.  It is taking me a while to write it up though...the details are soooo gruesome and horrid I just can't make it concise.  I will likely post it this evening...stay tuned!

Thursday, 4 August 2011

The United States of Terrence

Okay.  I am done.  I am done with online dating.  After my date tomorrow I am done.  For real.  Unless someone really great messages me before then I am done.

Last week I began chatting with this guy, Sam.  He was cute and seemed nice (although a little too eager to meet me, I probably should have viewed this as a warning sign) so we planned to meet a few days after we began chatting.  He seemed promising so I sent his photo to my bestie.  She responded "Hey, that's Terrence!".  I was like "Are you sure that it's not Sam?".  She was pretty sure it was Terrence.  She was pretty sure it was the same guy that dated her ex-boyfriend's sister.  She also went on to inform me that he was really odd.  Harmless but a little slow and socially awkward.  So what choice did I have.  I had to message this guy to see if he was Sam or Terrence.  I sent the message.  I did a little prayer.  I was hoping my friend was wrong and that this was indeed Sam.  A nice, normal guy that just happened to look like this Terrence guy that she knew like ten years ago.  As my luck would have it (and I am sure you are not suprised), Sam and Terrence were one and the same.  Turns out his name is Samuel Terrence Brown.  He tells me that only his friends from high school and his family would know him as Terrence.  Everyone else knows him as Sam.

Things seem a little odd with this guy.  I have already scheduled a date with him and despite not owing him anything I feel bad about cancelling the date.  So...I decide to investigate a little further.  I send a different friend a text.  I asked her "Have you ever heard of Samuel Terrence Brown?"  Seconds later my phone rings.  I pick up and on the other end before even getting a chance to say hello I hear, "NOOOOOOOOOO! Don't do it!".  She proceeds to tell me that this guy is a freak.  He is dumb(which also coincides with my other friend's description of him) and that he has no friends.  She also tells me that he dated another girl we both know and supposedly he was obssessed with her, mooched off of her and became physically violent with her.  God damn!  I sure know how to pick 'em!

Now without a doubt in my mind I decide I must cancel this date.  I message him and just tell him that I know his ex-girlfriend and although he seems nice I would prefer not to get involved.  He went on to say that he didn't know what I heard about him, but it wasn't true and that I shouldn't judge him.  He told me that he had heard stuff about me too (which there is no way he did because there is nothing to hear and he wouldn't even know who to ask if there was).  He bad mouthed his ex and continued flipping out.  He said that teachers (which is my profession and also the profession of his ex) think they are better then everyone...blah blah blah.

I decide to message his ex (who I have as a facebook friend) and just let her know what happened.  She informs me, quite seriously that she thinks he actually has multiple personality disorder and that "Sam" is the bad, nasty side and that "Terrence" is actually quite sweet and nice.  This is far worse than I could have even imaged.  Thank you sweet baby jesus that I did not end up on a date with him.  While I am sensitive to people with mental illness I am not welcoming of that sort of drama and potential violence in my life.  I hope this guy gets the help he needs, poor unfortunate soul:(