Thursday, 11 August 2011

Guy #6: Diamond Des "Cheaters Never Prosper"

Last night I had a date with a real live non-internet guy.  I actually met him in real life and gave him my number and he called me.  Go figure.  I went to Beer Fest on Saturday with five friends(three guys and two girls) and had a great time.  At the end of the night as we were all leaving we were walking along when we encountered a group of dudes out on a bachelor party.  Somehow I began interacting with one of them.  He told me his name and I promptly made up a stupid nickname for him (Diamond Des, in case you are wondering).  He swept me off my feet.  Literally.  He came up behind me and picked me up and carried me away.  In the midst of my screaming he asked me for my number.  I said it, REALLY fast, thinking this guy will never remember that point we went our separate ways, I thought I would never hear from him again.

Here's where my story becomes anti-climactic.  As we were walking to our next destination, one of my male friends said, "That dude was wearing a wedding ring".  I am sooooo not a typical girl.  I don't even notice that type of thing, ever!  I didn't really care.  After all it was nothing and I was never going to hear from him again anyways, right?

Wrong!  The very next afternoon he called.  I was suprised and semi-impressed that he remembered my number.  He asked if I would like to meet and I said, "Sure".  We made plans to meet last night for appies, when I suddenly remembered my friend's wedding ring comment.  Oh fuck!  However...he is a guy.  How reliable are guys when it comes to matters of things like wedding rings.  It could have been the guys right could have been a school ring or some other cheesy ring...I don't know.... I called my friend up and asked him how certain he was that this was a wedding ring...he said about 85%.  Since we had just left a Beer Fest and were a little tipsy to say the least I was hoping that maybe he was mistaken.  I decided with a very skeptical mind to give this guy the benefit of the doubt and go on with the date.

We agreed to meet at the bar/restaurant of a hotel near my house (bad omen #1, aside from the whole wedding ring thing of course).  It was the kind of place you would certainly go if you didn't want anyone you knew to see you and of course conveniently has a place to get it on upstairs.  When I arrived he was already there.  We hugged and sat down and began to chat.  Immediately I noticed a ring on his right hand...phew!  He was wearing some type of grad ring.  This must be the ring my friend saw.  Then a nano second after I felt that sense of relief I got a fleeting glance at his left hand.  No ring but definate ring indentation and tan line.  What the fuck was I supposed to do then?  It was clear in my mind without a doubt that this asshole is married.  I probably should have run away screaming but I was dumbfounded.

With his left hand hidden under the table the entire time we continued chatting.  This is where it got really good....I asked him some typical questions...where are you from, what do you know the usual.  There is this oddness about him.  Everything he says is very vague...of course it is...he is a bold face, liar, and cheating bastard.  He tells me he works for the city.  I probe further looking for more specific details.  He tells me he "cleans up the streets". he a garbage man?  With further investigation I force out of him that he is actually one of Halifax's finest...that's right...a cop!  With a secretive smirky smile he kept asking me if there is anything else I wanted to know.  I kept asking, "Is there anything you want to tell me?"  So I asked him if he had kids.  He replied yes, three.  He the asked me again...Is there anything else you want to know.  I told him I think I already know.  He of course doesn't man up. So I just looked at him point blank and said, "You are married".  He responded that he was separated.  I then asked, "Do you live with your wife and three kids?"  He of course said yes.  So I say, "Then clearly you are not separated".  He goes on to give me some sob story about how it is so hard to leave, his wife cheated on him, this is the first time he has ever done this, it will ruin him financially...blah blah blah...cry me a river you slimy piece of crap.

Oh yeah, and he was short,

he performed magic tricks on the date,

...and most importanly the dickhead was MARRIED!

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