Wednesday, 29 June 2011

Guy#2: "Go Big or Go Home" (Harry)

A teacher and a rabbi walk into a bar...

Oh wait!  That's not a joke...that's my date last Thursday night. 

My story may seem a little anti-climatic from this point on since I have basically already given you the punchline but here are the gory details:

So last Wednesday I was checking my POF  online dating site inbox and I came across a message from a very interesting sounding guy.  Seemingly intelligent, well travelled and Jewish.  Although I am not Jewish this is not a problem for me.  I am pretty open to dating anyone as long as they are intelligent, have a good sense of humour and are cute.  I also figured that he was Jewish in the way that most of the Christians I know are Christian...they observe some of the customs of their religion but generally don't take it too seriously in their day to day life.

Here is a snippet from his profile:

"I love my profession and work hard at it, but I definitely make plenty of time for life's other pleasures, including salsa dancing, theatre, traveling, concerts, and movies. If I'm not doing any of the above, you'll likely find me hanging out on random park benches with a cappuccino and a book, watching my Montreal Canadiens hockey team on tv, or dining out with friends".

Obviously not my date, but they actually looked eerily similar.
I arrive at a local pizza place/bar and my date is waiting there sipping on a drink.  We exchange a hug and sit down and begin to chat.  So far so good.  The discussion turns to food.  I suggest we share a pizza.  He doesn't mix meat with problem we order a veggie pizza.  We much on our food and chit chat.  The conversation is going well.  The topic turns to work/career stuff so I ask him what he does.  At this point all I know is that he is doing a PhD and travels (lives) between Halifax and a major American city.  Turns out not only is my date Jewish he is a RABBI!  I never do anything small.  I don't just end up on a date with a Jewish guy...I end up on a date with one of Halifax's two(?) rabbis...incredible.  Anyways the guy is nice enough and certainly interesting enough to talk to.  However I quickly realize that he is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to serious for me.  I am smart enough but talking politics, religion, theories all day long is a bit much for me.  His PhD is also in some sort of Hebrew music which he is very passionate about.  He also likes to salsa dance and take rap songs and set them to classical music.  I think if he saw me with my friends for even five minutes he would run away in horror with some of the ridiculous things that come out of our mouths.  I begin to think this is someone I could never truly be myself around.

Anyway...after some thought I decide to give him a second shot.  Saturday evening he texts me (seems to be the way of dating these days) and asks if I want to do something.  He says he is really tired and just wants to do something relaxing.  I say he can come over to my place (stupid I is where I potentially get chopped up and shoved in a freezer). 

When he arrives he immediately begins to pass out on my sofa.  Apparently my conversation is so stimulating that he can't even keep his eyes open.  As he is about to leave he looks at me and says "Come here for a minute".  I move closer to him on the sofa (as we are sitting on opposite ends) and he begins passionately kissing me.  I guess I am an idiot because I let him.  Well kissing naturally leads to dry humping and the next thing I know the rabbi is on top of me humping my leg.  I feel his circumsized penis rubbing on me and I push him off of me repulsed but say something about taking it a little slower...lame...I know.  At this point the date is over and I do everything but push him out the door.  He says he is tired and worried about driving home.  I was like I don't care what you do dude but you ain't stayin' here...see ya!

Oh yeah...and he's 5'7".

...and bald.

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Guy #1: "Trust Your Gut" (Victor)

I originally set up my online dating profile without any pictures and without and real information.  I filled it out with a bunch of gibberish so that I could get beyond looking at the 10 profiles they allow you to look at without signing up.  Then one night I was home sick and bored.  I started browsing and actually saw some profiles that looked good to me.  So in order not to look like an idiot I actually put forth an effort to write a halfway intelligent sounding profile.  I was not (and still am not) ready to include a picture.  Last time I was online for dating purposes I attracted way to many freaks.  This time I wanted to be in control...message people that I thought I might be interested in and then send a picture if I get a positive response.

Not my actual date(Name has also been changed).  Photo credit 

I messaged a few guys and then I received a message from a guy that I was not interested in.  He claimed he
thought he had spoken to me before on there (he hadn't).  I looked at his profile...although I was not initially attracted to him he sounded reasonably intelligent and actually seemed like we might have some things in common.  Here is a little sample from his hindsight I think he might sound a little douche-y.  Am I wrong?

- can answer a disturbingly high number of questions on Jeopardy
- regularly send emails without proof reading them, which sometimes comes a cross as if English is my second language (it is not) or I am an idiot ( also which I am not). If I end up sending you one, I apologise in advance. And no I don't have an accent unless you count a Ontario one.
- just vain enough that I want to look my best and not look like sh*t wearing ugly shoes, but not so vain as to make getting ready in the morning take longer than 15min
-genuinely enjoy shopping both as spectator and participant, I will even hold your purse and not make a big deal about it
- sometimes wear a suit to work (think "Mad Men") and a tie on Sat., but I'm far from being a "suit" or uptight
- favorite movies Office Space, Dark Knight, Jesus Christ Superstar (I like the music), Team America, 500 days of summer . I know some pretty pedestrian choices but I also like some more highbrow stuff like "City of God" and documentaries.

We started chatting and after exchanging a few messages, cut to the chase and decided to meet for brunch the following weekend.  We went out and I was pleasantly suprised.  He was well dressed, intelligent and we seemed to have lots in common.  Not to mention he has a good job and no baggage.  We extended our date and went to some local shops that we both enjoy.  I left feeling pleasantly suprised.

Fast forward three days(Wednesday).  We meet up for nachos and beers on a local patio.  After this date I feel as though we are essentially the same person...we had soooo much in common.  We kiss in my car when I drop him off at the end of the date.  Not a gross sloppy creepy kiss.  A nice respectful second date kiss. 

We see eachother Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday... we seem to be hitting it off.  I am a little nervous because originally I wanted to take things slow and just date and have fun.  However things are going well and he is initiating the all the hanging out and is texting throughout the day consistently...I am having fun so I decide to go with it. 

*(I should note here though that there were a few signs that he may not be exactly perfect for me.  He is a little too obsessed with fashion.  I like a man that looks good but not one that is more concerned about his looks than me.  He also likes to complain about everything that Halifax does not have and how it is better in his Upper Canadian home city.  Mildly annoying but tolerable given how much other stuff we have in common.  I also noted to a friend that I was unsure if it was a passionate love connection, but I was having fun)

Friday night he meets me at work and we have an awesome dinner together.  This was sort of an impromptu plan as we already had plans to head to the market on Saturday.  We go back to his place and watch a movie and.....wake up the next morning at his place for the first time.  I head home and shower etc.  We stick to our market plan.  Things are a little lackluster but I figure we are both tired and can't be "on" all the time.  Anyhoo that is the last time I saw him. 

Oh he texts me from time to time...but doesn't seem to want to see me again...I don't know what he is trying to prove...maybe that he is not a jerk....who knows.  Am I being a crazy girl for being confused about this?  If I had behaved like a crazy girl leaching on to him, pressuring him, calling and texting him like crazy...sure....that would make sense.  However I was not the initiator.  Oh well his loss. 

He was also dangerously close to being a hipster.

How I Got Here

After spending the last three and a half years in a relationship (with someone that I met online) I have recently found myself single.  By finding myself single I mean I dumped his over critical, cocky ass.  I am enjoying the freedom I have found and am enjoying having my own place and making it mine. 

Just a few weeks ago I decided that I was ready to re-enter the crazy world of online dating.  Since about four years ago when I was last online, not much has changed.  There are still plenty of weird, undateable freaks out there sending me creepy messages.  I have so far only dated two guys this go round and so far I am 0 in 2.  I keep hanging on to the hope that there might be someone normal out there...I am on there's gotta be more normal people on here too right?   These are my dating stories...