Wednesday, 21 December 2011

Parker "The Officially Cheap"

Okay.  Parker.  Where do I begin?  Once again I am thinking that you should always trust your gut...My instincts said that Parker was a cheap nerd and I wasn't wrong.  I stupidly gave him the benefit of the doubt and four more dates to prove it to me.

Date 1:  The Pizza Dilemma
-This is the date from the previous entry on Parker.  The one where he said he was bringing the free pizza and I had to pay for the movie.  Well instead he ended up bringing wine and told me I should cook for him(!!!).  There was no way in hell I was cooking for him so I bought some fancy cheeses, meats, fruit, chocolate and made up a yummy platter of these delicious items, think Obladee if you've ever been!  He redeemed himself by bringing three bottles of wine.  I guess he wasn't sure what type I'd like so he brought a variety.  FYI, we only drank one.  When it was time to leave he left the other two bottles at my place stating that we could drink them another time.

Date 2:  Comedy Club
-Our second date was at a comedy club to which he had free tickets.  He said he made dinner reservations at the hotel attached to the comedy place before the show and I said that sounded good.  We arrived and because it was a buffet style dinner you had to pay in advance.  He got out his credit card, paid and said, "You can pay me back later."  Seriously.  He said that. 

Date 3:  Chicken Cordon Bleu
-He came over and made me dinner and we drank wine bottle number two.  He also helped me fix my Christmas tree that had already fallen over twice, that was nice.  This date was cut short because he had the get his hair cut by a friend at like 8:30.

Date 4: Mexican and Muppets
At this point I REALLY should not have been dating this guy.  I knew for sure that he was not the one for me.  I wasn't excited, wasn't getting that butterfly feeling, and had generally been avoiding him.  However being somewhat of a pussy I went.  We went for Mexican at one of my favorite places.  Without discussing it I paid (since he said I'd have to pay him back for the comedy club dinner I figured this would do).  We went to see the Muppet movie after was a Tuesday night and cheap night afterall so he paid.

That was the last date we had.  However, over the weekend I received a drunken text saying "Why did you say I was trying to move to fast."  I suppose at this point I should mention that after our second date he said he wanted to date exclusively and had already told his mother I was his girlfriend.  I knew at this point I'd have to be upfront and let him know I wasn't interested in pursuing this any further.  Last night I got a text asking if I would like to go to a movie (again, Tuesday cheap night) or go for wings on Thursday(also cheap night for wings).  So it was time to man up and tell the truth (or at least mostly the truth)'s how our conversation went:

Guy: Want to go to a movie tonight or go for wings on Thursday?

Me:  I'm not sure if you've noticed but I've been feeling a little distant the past few days.  When you wrote me on Saturday night it got me thinking...

I generally wouldn't take it quite so slow...I think there is something missing for me.  I think you are a nice guy and I like spending time with you but something just isn't there.

Guy: K  (Aaaaah! Can't make this highlight-y part go away...sorry!)

Guy:  Not much I can say.  Good luck.

Me:  I normally wouldn't say these things via text but we don't talk on the phone and it seemed kinda dumb to waste your time and have you come all the way over here. 

Me:  Anyways, best of luck to you too.

Guy:  Yeah I figured it was a dead end when I had to plan out and decide everything we did to be honest.

Me:  Sorry

Now here is the kicker and when things get really good...

Guy: Mind if I come over and grab that 3rd bottle of wine if you didn't drink it?

Me:  Are you serious?

Me:  If you want to...I guess so....

Guy:  It's not a big deal lol

Guy: Didn't expect that response.

Me:  Sorry just thought it was a weird thing to say, but it's all yours if you'd like it.

Guy:  I like wine is all.

Guy:  And it's one less bottle I'll have to buy during Christmas.

Guy:  It's sometimes nice to treat yourself to a bottle other than what you make yourself (he makes wine).

Me:  At the risk of sounding like a complete bitch I am going to say something.  That's part of the reason I knew it wouldn't work with us.  You seem preoccupied with $ and to me that's really tacky.

Me:  I am all about paying my way and my fair share but I think it is really tacky to be discussing such things when you are just dating.

Guy:  Wow.  Go fuck yourself.

Guy:  And yeah you do sound like a bitch.

Me:  Sorry

Me:  You sound cheap.

Guy:  Good luck with life.

Me:  Anyhoo just let me know when you want to get your wine, I'll leave it in my mailbox.

Guy:  It's just obvious you don't know me.

Guy:  And I will never talk to you again or come for it

Guy:  That is the single most disrespectful thing I have heard in years

Guy: About my nature and character

Sorry buddy, your nature and character is cheap and you needed to be told.  I wouldn't have gone there if you didn't ask about picking up your $15 bottle of wine.  You needed to know.


  1. Hope it's a half decent bottle of wine! At least this one you don't have to drink with his cheap ass! Cheers!!!

  2. Yes! I will toast to being happily single over being with a cheapskate like him:)