Kissin' Mission NYE

Yesterday I told my BFF that I was going to be bold and tell all the cute guys at the party/dance I was attending for NYE to find me at midnight and I would kiss whoever showed up.  Well that didn't exactly happen.  It was hard to make contact with all the boys considering we arrived at the party only an hour before midnight and was not nearly brave drunk enough and there were literally maybe three single guys there.

So I missed my midnight kiss...but did I let that get me down?  No, of course not.  I quickly rebounded and found a dance partner and boogied the night away.  A little about this dance partner....he was a very cute, drunken, bearded redneck that I dated about five years ago and have always had a little thing for ever since.  His willingness to cut a rug with him boded well for him and instead of a midnight kiss I settled for a two a.m. kiss, worked for me. 

That was my first kiss for 2012.  What else will the new year bring in the kissin' department?  Only time will tell.

Parker "The Officially Cheap"

Okay.  Parker.  Where do I begin?  Once again I am thinking that you should always trust your gut...My instincts said that Parker was a cheap nerd and I wasn't wrong.  I stupidly gave him the benefit of the doubt and four more dates to prove it to me.

Date 1:  The Pizza Dilemma
-This is the date from the previous entry on Parker.  The one where he said he was bringing the free pizza and I had to pay for the movie.  Well instead he ended up bringing wine and told me I should cook for him(!!!).  There was no way in hell I was cooking for him so I bought some fancy cheeses, meats, fruit, chocolate and made up a yummy platter of these delicious items, think Obladee if you've ever been!  He redeemed himself by bringing three bottles of wine.  I guess he wasn't sure what type I'd like so he brought a variety.  FYI, we only drank one.  When it was time to leave he left the other two bottles at my place stating that we could drink them another time.




Date 2:  Comedy Club
-Our second date was at a comedy club to which he had free tickets.  He said he made dinner reservations at the hotel attached to the comedy place before the show and I said that sounded good.  We arrived and because it was a buffet style dinner you had to pay in advance.  He got out his credit card, paid and said, "You can pay me back later."  Seriously.  He said that. 

Date 3:  Chicken Cordon Bleu
-He came over and made me dinner and we drank wine bottle number two.  He also helped me fix my Christmas tree that had already fallen over twice, that was nice.  This date was cut short because he had the get his hair cut by a friend at like 8:30.

Date 4: Mexican and Muppets
At this point I REALLY should not have been dating this guy.  I knew for sure that he was not the one for me.  I wasn't excited, wasn't getting that butterfly feeling, and had generally been avoiding him.  However being somewhat of a pussy I went.  We went for Mexican at one of my favorite places.  Without discussing it I paid (since he said I'd have to pay him back for the comedy club dinner I figured this would do).  We went to see the Muppet movie after dinner...it was a Tuesday night and cheap night afterall so he paid.

That was the last date we had.  However, over the weekend I received a drunken text saying "Why did you say I was trying to move to fast."  I suppose at this point I should mention that after our second date he said he wanted to date exclusively and had already told his mother I was his girlfriend.  I knew at this point I'd have to be upfront and let him know I wasn't interested in pursuing this any further.  Last night I got a text asking if I would like to go to a movie (again, Tuesday cheap night) or go for wings on Thursday(also cheap night for wings).  So it was time to man up and tell the truth (or at least mostly the truth)...here's how our conversation went:

Guy: Want to go to a movie tonight or go for wings on Thursday?

Me:  I'm not sure if you've noticed but I've been feeling a little distant the past few days.  When you wrote me on Saturday night it got me thinking...


I generally wouldn't take it quite so slow...I think there is something missing for me.  I think you are a nice guy and I like spending time with you but something just isn't there.


Guy: K  (Aaaaah! Can't make this highlight-y part go away...sorry!)

Guy:  Not much I can say.  Good luck.

Me:  I normally wouldn't say these things via text but we don't talk on the phone and it seemed kinda dumb to waste your time and have you come all the way over here. 

Me:  Anyways, best of luck to you too.

Guy:  Yeah I figured it was a dead end when I had to plan out and decide everything we did to be honest.

Me:  Sorry

Now here is the kicker and when things get really good...

Guy: Mind if I come over and grab that 3rd bottle of wine if you didn't drink it?

Me:  Are you serious?

Me:  If you want to...I guess so....

Guy:  It's not a big deal lol

Guy: Didn't expect that response.

Me:  Sorry just thought it was a weird thing to say, but it's all yours if you'd like it.

Guy:  I like wine is all.

Guy:  And it's one less bottle I'll have to buy during Christmas.

Guy:  It's sometimes nice to treat yourself to a bottle other than what you make yourself (he makes wine).

Me:  At the risk of sounding like a complete bitch I am going to say something.  That's part of the reason I knew it wouldn't work with us.  You seem preoccupied with $ and to me that's really tacky.

Me:  I am all about paying my way and my fair share but I think it is really tacky to be discussing such things when you are just dating.

Guy:  Wow.  Go fuck yourself.

Guy:  And yeah you do sound like a bitch.

Me:  Sorry

Me:  You sound cheap.

Guy:  Good luck with life.

Me:  Anyhoo just let me know when you want to get your wine, I'll leave it in my mailbox.

Guy:  It's just obvious you don't know me.

Guy:  And I will never talk to you again or come for it

Guy:  That is the single most disrespectful thing I have heard in years

Guy: About my nature and character



Sorry buddy, your nature and character is cheap and you needed to be told.  I wouldn't have gone there if you didn't ask about picking up your $15 bottle of wine.  You needed to know.

Guy #9~ A Guy, Two Sleds and a Pizza Dilemma (Parker)

On Wednesday I had a seeminly promising date with a seemingly normal (albeit slightly geeky....well maybe fully geeky) guy.  He is really nice, seems to be looking for the same things as me and is about to start a promising career.  Originally our plan was to go out for a drink, but then mother nature gave us something far more exciting to do.  She dumped a giant load of snow on us, so we ventured to a popular local hill for some good old fashioned sledding.  Being one not to shy away from a little adventure I was all for it.  Instead of spending a fair bit of time getting ready I threw on my lulus and winter gear and headed for the hill. 

As far as first dates go it was pretty good.  It was nice to step outside the box and do something a little different.  It was interesting trying to get to know someone while in your most figure flattering snow pants and while huffing and puffing up a giant hill.  After we were done coasting we headed out for hot chocolate.  Despite the fact that I had major racoon eyes from snow getting in my face and my make up running (thanks guy for not telling me, btw!) things went pretty well and we decided to extend the date and go for the drink we had originally planned on as well.  Since then he has been texting me and we made plans to see eachother Sunday.



Now...here's the kicker...

I may be reading too much into this...whadda ya think?

Tonight I get some texts to firm up our plans for Sunday.  They go like this-

Guy: So Sunday I work 11-7

Me:  So did you still want to do something?Guy:  I would have comendeered you tonight but I am working...lol

Guy:  If you want to do pizza and a movie I'll cover the pizza.

At this point I was a little taken aback and unsure of how to respond.  Here's why:

First- I think it is tacky to bring up money at all.
Second- I am old fashioned.  I mean I don't mind paying sometimes and doing my share....but c'mon buddy this is our second date...you should be wooing me (plus I paid half on our first date).
Third (and perhaps most importantly)- Buddy, you work at a pizza place (and live with your parents).  How generous of you to spring for a free or at least very cheap pizza and then tell me I am going to pay for the movie.

Me:  Confused faced emoticon

Guy:  So pizza and a movie on Sunday??

Me:  Sure...a movie at home or at the theatre?

Guy: Either way

Me: I am going to a movie tonight

Guy:  If I'm in charge of pizza, then  your in charge of the movie so you get to decide.

Guy:  I'll figure out something else

Me:  What do you mean?

Guy:  I was just thinking that you telling me you were going to the movies meant that you didn't want to go again.  So we are back to the drawing board.

Me: No, a movie is good.

Guy:  We could go out for supper or something I just figured you might be tight with money for a bit.

I was shocked.  Is it just me or is this completely out of line to say to someone you have been on one date with?  My financial business is really no concern of his.  I mean on our first date I did mention that work was a bit slow at the moment...but still....frig.  Where is the chivalry?  The good old fashioned gender roles?  The desire to romance a woman and make her feel like you are trying to woo her?  Am I being ridiculous?  Do I sound like a gold-digging, greedy, anti-feminist whore? 

Frig...what's a girl to do?

...and he's not 5'6"!!!!!!!!!!!!! He's actually tall:)

Guy#8~ The Coconut Prince/Turkish Delight/The Professor

I recently had two dates with another Ehobbit.  Seriously.  I know I've mentioned it before but every single guy that tries to talk to me is under 5'8".   This one was no exception...he measured in at a whopping 5'7".  He seemed nice so I gave him a chance.  He also seemed to have things in order.  He worked as an Economics professor at a local university (this should have been a sign my last serious BF was an economist...).  Our first date was brief.  We met for coffee.  He was indeed nice.  Although I was not terribly attracted to him I decided to go for date number two.  In between date one and two we continued chatting on the phone etc.  During one of our discussions he asked me when my birthday was.  I told him.  He immediately went online and found a site that told about our compatibility based on our astrological sign.  To me it seemed a little twelve year old girl-ish...but I rolled with it.  According to this site he had a tough exterior like a coconut.  I proceded to tell him that it must mean that he was brown and hairy like a coconut.  He thought I was hilarious (obviously). 

On our second date we went bowling.  He insisted that instead of putting his initial 'B' on the score sheet I put 'CP'.  I was like, huh?  He responded by saying that it was for "Coconut Prince".  Yes.  Coconut Prince, he proclaimed himself to be a Coconut Prince and then gave himself a nickname.  Who does that?  During the strenuous activity of bowling he began to sweat  right through his shirt...ick.  True to the first date he was still extremely nice.  We went for lunch.  We also had coffee.  During this time I also discovered he was an extremely loud, spitty talker.  Ick.

Without going into long boring detail...here are some other key facts as to why this guy wasn't for me:

-He also called himself the Turkish Delight
-He texted me this joke: "What did the polar bear say to the camel?"
                                      "_______(insert my name here) is a cute girl who is one hell of a bowler"
-We went on two dates and he was telling his department secretary all about me.
-He was telling me he missed me on more than one occasion after not talking for just one day.
-He used to have these "Off the record" moments where he would compliment me or say something relationship-y and he would say can I tell you something "Off the record?"
-HE WORE ONE PIECE ONESIE PYJAMAS.  I swear.  He told me this.  He referred to them as his onesies.  At first I thought he meant a baby diaper shirt....but no he meant one piece footy pj's.  No self-respecting man who ever wanted to have sex would wear one piece pyjamas....I can't believe I almost forgot that one....fml.

Despite his crazy nerdiness he was a really nice person.  I felt really bad about breaking it off with him.  So I did the cowardly thing.  Nothing.  Eventually he wrote me on Facebook and I had to apologize for being a douchebag...honestly though...we only had two dates.



...and he was a 5'7" onesie wearing, loud, spitty talking Coconut Prince.

Guy #7~ Ian "The Over Accessorized"

Back in like July I started talking to this guy.  He seemed really artsy and didn't think my love of vintage, thrifted things was too weird.  He had a good job and seemed reasonably intelligent.  Then he disappeared.  In October-ish (yeah I am a little behind in posting) he all of a sudden resurfaced and asked me to go on a date.  He apologized for going missing.  I really didn't care...I mean if you are dating online you kind of expect these things to happen.  So I didn't ask too many questions and just decided to go on the damn date.  We met for coffee and then had dinner.  As it ALWAYS seems to be with these online guys, this guy was 5'6".  He was also extremely over accessorized.  He had on more jewelry and layers then I could ever imagine wearing on one day.  He had a newsboy style hat, glasses, had more than one hole in his ears, had a nose piercing, some beaded and hemp necklaces, some bracelets (one of which had a lot of skulls) and some rings.  SERIOUSLY!  He also had a jacket, a button up shirt, with a tight deep v-necked style shirt underneath...oh baby! He was also rockin' some Chuck T's which I am generally down with, I even have a pair, but this ensemble was just too much.

Anyways...he was a nice enough guy.  Kinda trying too hard...he was trying to prove how artsy was and how is was waaaay cool for being into indie music that I've never heard of.

Oh yeah...and he's 5'6".

He may have also been wearing a scarf.

Ehobbits :(

I have recently took the plunge and joined a real, you have to pay for it dating site.  Honestly, it sucks.  Supposedly it matches you on like 84 levels of compatibility.  Clearly there is no accounting for appearances because I have been matched with more hobbits than ever.  These dudes that are supposedly my soul mates are all like 5'6" and/or fugly trolls.  Why me God? Why meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?

I am stuck with Ehobbits for three months.  So I will continue to use it until my time is up and hope something better turns up...at almost $50 a month I might as well...even if it is just to mess with people.

Life in the Slow Lane

Last time I posted I had talked about joining another online dating site.  This dating site is far less trashy than the other I must say.  I have recieved far fewer requests (none actually) to sleep with married men, to join in a threesome, and have not been sent any pictures of genetalia!  That alone is a success in and of itself.  This site however does not seem to have the pool of users that the other does and I feel like I am seeing the same profiles pop up over and over again. 

That being said I have been chatting with two seemingly nice and normal guys, but have yet to meet either of them.  One is a 31 year old carpenter/caterer/photographer who lives here in the same city as me.  The other is 37 year old who works in the office of a construction company or something like that.  The second guy lives about three hours away from me so I was not super keen on getting anything going with him, but I gave it a chance and I actually quite like him.  He is planning on coming here at the end of the month to go to some seminar so we are going to meet up then.  I am looking forward to it:) 

So that's it for me.  I have really calmed it down on the dating scene but I will keep y'all (all three of ya) posted as to what is shakin' in my dating world.  I am sure I'll have some more horror stories to post as soon as I go on another date!