Cock-a-Doodle-Don't!!!

Today I decided to take the next step in a POF relationship.  Going from emailing back and forth through the site to messaging using another source.  I added this guy to my facebook and my BlackBerry  messanger.  Pretty harmless, right?  This only gives the guy access to your first and last name, every picture of you on the internet, your personal information, and a list of all your friends.  Anyhoo I hope this doesn't lead to me eventually being chopped up and frozen in my own freezer...at least my address wasn't on there, right? 

So here's how things went down.  I was BBMing back and forth with this guy.  He seemed pretty nice.  The conversation slowly began to turn from generic conversation to some innocent flirting.  This went on for a little while when somehow in the conversation the dude ends up telling me how nice his bum is.  He was then like "Do you want to see it?".  I geniously responded "I am waiting for something a little more risque".  I was joking of course.  Then....BLAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Five seconds later I was staring at a picure of this guys junk!  For real! It was soooooooooooo nasty.  His little half chub and bald balls poking out through his plaid flannel masturbation pants.  You could see his cheesy apartment in the backgound.  That morning's coffee, his wrought iron and glass coffee table and several ugly, tall pillar candles.  It was the epitomy of sexiness (BARF). I freaked out, wrote something awkward and then immediately blocked the freak from my BlackBerry, my Facebook, and the online dating site.

Come on guys.  I am looking for a relationship.  Not some weird sex fiend that is willing to his weiner off to random girls within a few minutes of chatting with them.  I guess this is what they call sexting...and I am not down.

Seriously...only me.
 

Guy #5: The Big Bang Theory (Thomas)

Last Tuesday I met up with the fifth guy I have dated.  I was really looking forward to this date.  This guy was really quite cute and leading up to the date we exchanged several well writting, charming emails.  I actually felt a good connection with this self-proclaimed geek.  The fact that he described him self as  a bit of a geek was actually a selling point for me.  I kinda like that geeky vibe.  I like that guy who was kind of geeky as a kid but eventually came into his own around university. 

We met up at the Shoe Shop...where I also met up with Victor and Pat...seems to be a go to choice for blind daters apparently.  When I arrived he was there waiting on a table he scored on the patio.  I went over and gave him a hug and sat down.  He looked exactly as he did in his profile so that pleased me.  What I was not prepared for was the weird speech impediment/accent.  It totally threw me off.  I actually had a difficult time understanding him at times.  I can't even mimic it or explain what it was like...it wasn't a lisp...it was like his mouth was extra spitty and he dragged out his words...kind of like a valley girl...but not.

He was also not just a touch nerdy...he was extremely nerdy.  I'm talking comic books, wrestling, video games, action figures, zombies, computer programmer, Star Wars, Transformers....think Big Bang Theory.  I am sure he and Sheldon would be great friends!

The bottom line is this guy was nice but there was zero attraction.  It really was a shame because probably more than all of my other dates I was looking most forward to this one.  I must not have done it for him either because I haven't heard a thing from him either.  This makes life easier:)

Oh yeah...he was also a 31 year old with Optimus Prime and Spiderman  posters adorning the walls of his apartment(or so he told me).

Douche Bag Message of the Day: Cheating Bastard

This is the message I got today...friggin' loser.

 

I know I'm married and all but damn I wish. I looooove teachers. Theyre so bad!

 

Here is his profile.

 

Well what to say. I'm married. Glad that's out of the way. I'm on here because my life is wonderful. Honestly it really is! I want to meet new people to just go for drives with listening to a good newly minted cd or to just go out and sit at timmies and yap about nothing important over a coffee. I'm happily married but due to work I want friends away from my co workers. I also am not a bar star so I don't meet anyone anymore. I don't want people I know to know I'm here so if I like you and think we will meet in person only then will I send a picture. I also don't want my wife knowing im on here because if we get along I may agree to have a playful relationship on top of hanging out. Don't judge....it's fun....you can be happily married and still play!

I don't usually respond to these losers but today I was annoyed so here is my response to this asshole:

I think men like you are disgusting.  I would rather die than spend even one minute with you.  You should be thankful for your lovely wife...I am sure you don't deserve her.

The Whiskas Man...Shirtless

Wow.  This is bad. 

I get what you are going for...seductive meets sensitive. 

Ladies, seriously...I hope none of you find this cheese attractive!

This guy immediately came to mind.

Me No Needo the Speedo!

Okay so a few posts back I said only profiles of guys that message me were fair game.  Well this person "viewed me" and it is just too bad not to share.   I have highlighted the especially bad parts:)

I do have to go to bed at a dence hour so i could not be keep up too late out and about:(

I am good looking and I have pictures just ask:) if your interested in my profile

I have a preference for big boned, beefy or full figured girls. A like woman that have a womanly body type.

I have a good job, I take care of myself, I am not looking for a cook, or maid or anything like that. I enjoy a woman that are smart funny a sense of who they are or who they like to become and Easy going type of woman older or younger but still exploring who they are or where they are in their life.

I like to go camping most weekends in the summer, have bonfires on the beaches in the summer, love kayaks and boats and fishing. I love going dancing, I love my family, and doing stuff for them, I have some really awesome friends. I like my job.

I want to make a difference in people's lives that I interact with. I like to cook and I'm good at it.:

I am 6 ft 2 tall average build I have big chocolate eyes brown eyes and brown hair.. lol and u have all my hair in the right places and not in places that hair is not saposto grow on homo sapians... I do not have any tattoos, pearsing. I shave regularly and I have neat manicured hands nice warm friendly smile:)

If you like something discrete I total be up for that? I not into random sex with strangers. I think that is really gross.. I am not looking for 1 time roll in the hay.. ..

I am into seeing a woman is pleased fully not really into self gratification..And i can tell you that I am very good with my hands.. Use your imagination...heheheh
The person that would interesting to me would be someone that has good good oral health, neat and tidy and take pride in there outward apprentice and not a smoker or big drinker or someone that use any drugs.

Lets chat with and see what u were about :)

Plus he also posted this amazing photo.  How could I not want to date this winner?

Another One Bites the Dust!

After some consideration I have cut things off with the "Love Doctor".  I think my vision was clouded by the fact that he was a very successful man and couldn't really see at first that we were not really looking for the same thing.  He wasn't looking for a relationship or anything serious.  I am.  He is a touch boring.  I am not.  All he was interested in was going for walks and making out.  Both things I am interested in but in moderation or at least accompanied by other activities.  We had five dates and not one dinner, not one drink, no music, no movies...just walking and making out.  Sooo I put two and two together...he is cheap and is after the boo-tay (which he did not get from me).

I actually talked to him about this(well not the cheap part).  He claims he is too busy for a relationship blah, blah, blah.  I don't buy it.  I understand his career is important to him and takes up a lot of time but when he thought he might get some coochie from me he was available to see me about 4-5 times in one week.  I think he is a decent enough guy and can appreciate his honesty but...

he also was a worse than average kisser...

and a horndog.

The Middle Eastern Nicolas Cage

It's easy to post when I don't really like the guy and he ends up being some sort of freak.  What do you say when things are going good?  Blabbing on and on then seems like some sort of a betrayal.  I think I like the doctor...at least enough to go on a few more dates with him.

Last night we went out for a brief walk and spent some time sitting on Citadel Hill chatting....and making out.  If there is one thing I can say about this guy he is not afraid of his PDA's.  Granted it was getting dark out and there weren't many people around...but still...he is way more comfortable getting it on in public than I am.  I am not sure exactly what he is looking for.  His profile says dating...and he is always talking about how busy he is with his career...but he has still managed to see me a few times this week.  I have a feeling he might just be looking for some action but really he's not getting it here.  Not any serious beyond what I would have done in ninth grade anyway.  I learned that lesson with Victor.

I may just get up the guts to ask him tonight or tomorrow when I see him...but I hate that...what do I say..."Ummm we've been on four dates now, where do you see this headed?"  I mean that is borderline psycho.  However, on the other hand if he is just after a casual sex partner I do not want to be wasting my time...or at the very least I need him to be upfront about it so any decisions I make are fully informed. 

I don't know about this one.  Only time and psychotic questioning will tell.

Oh yeah...he said Nicolas Cage was his favorite actor.  Surely this is not a good sign.

Photo Credit http://ca.askmen.com/celebs/men/entertainment/27_nicolas_cage.html

...and supposedly he's been told he looks like a Middle Eastern version of him. 

God help me. 

Why can't I just meet a normal guy in the good 'ol fashioned way?